Rekindled Hearts Read online

  “I see.”

  “Ask her, Alyssa, ask her what it means for someone to be damaged goods. That’s what I heard someone say about Miss Josie. They said she has a past,” Lilli whispered, looking around as she spoke.

  “Oh, honey, where in the world did you hear that?” Lexi wanted to know so she could give that someone a piece of her mind. Josie Cane probably had mistakes in her past like anyone else, but Lexi didn’t believe anyone was damaged goods.

  “I can’t tell.” Lilli started to squirm. “We want a puppy. We think it would be a good making-up gift for my dad and Miss Josie. If she thought he brought it to her, she’d be real happy.”

  “Girls, you can’t do that.” But it was a sweet idea. “You can get the grown-ups to come in and talk to me about some puppies that I have, but I can’t let you take one without adult permission.”

  “How do we get adult permission?” Alyssa stepped forward, taking Lexi by the hand.

  “I’m not sure, but together we’ll think of something. We need to find a way to get them to come in together.”

  “I have an idea.” Lilli twirled her skirt and a smile spread across her tiny face. What a precious child. And Lexi wondered how she remained so happy, with Silas always so thunderous.

  Footsteps on the sidewalk. Lexi and the girls looked up, expecting Silas. It was Colt. Lexi felt a moment of relief that was short-lived.

  “Lilli Marstow, your dad is looking for you. You’d better scoot on back down there. Alyssa, kiddo, let me walk you across the street.”

  “What about me?” Lexi stood, waiting for instructions.

  Colt winked. Oh, she loved him. She wasn’t about to admit how much, but at moments like this, it was nearly too much. How could she stay in town, feeling that way about a man who only wanted to work on getting along when they had to be around each other?

  “You wait.” He had hold of Alyssa’s hand. The two—tall cop in his dark T-shirt that said Police across the chest and the little girl—walked across the street.

  He waited on the other side and watched as Alyssa ran back to the day care and then he crossed to where Lexi waited. She watched him walking toward her, carrying a plastic bag that he held up as he got closer.

  “I have a surprise for you.”

  “Really.” She reached for the bag, but he pulled it back.

  “This is a really special surprise.”

  “Okay.” She tried to make out the form hidden by the bag. “What is it?”

  “You’re very impatient.” He slipped an arm through hers. “I think we should go back to my office, Lexi.”

  “Am I in trouble?”

  “Not yet.” His grin changed from charming to a little wicked. “But you might be.”

  “Say it isn’t so.” Her heart thumped against her ribs.

  “It is.” He held her close to his side. “People are watching. They’re going to spread rumors.”

  “Small-town life. Don’t you love it?” And she wanted him to always tease this way, the way he had when they had first met.

  “I do.” He opened the door to the police station. “Ladies first.”

  “Thank you.” But her insides were shifting, nervous, upset. She didn’t know if it was the food poisoning or anticipation—or fear.

  He had always done this to her. When they were dating, he was constantly bringing surprises. She missed that Colt, the surprising Colt. He had disappeared three or four years ago.

  She had been thinking a lot about why she had let him walk away. There were probably several reasons. But he was next to her, and his tender gaze wouldn’t let her remain in thoughts of the past.

  They walked into his office and he closed the door behind them. They were alone. She didn’t know if alone was a good idea.

  “Stop looking so upset.” He kissed her cheek. “This isn’t a bad thing.”

  She nodded, but then she blurted it out, “I’ve missed you like this.”

  Her words surprised him. She saw the change in his expression, from happiness to something that resembled sorrow. His smile faded and his eyes softened. He pulled her close, nuzzling her cheek and holding her as if he might hold her forever, holding her as if it might take away the pain.

  “I didn’t mean to leave you alone.” He kissed her, his lips grazing hers, and then lingering. His hands, strong and warm, cupped her face. She melted into his embrace for a kiss that took her back in time, to when they were in love and believed in forever.

  Before love got so difficult and their grasp on forever slipped away.

  “Stop.” She whispered as she backed away. “We can’t do this.”

  “You’re right. One step at a time. Right now, we’re working on friendship.”

  “And then what?”

  “I don’t know. I thought we needed to work on friendship so that the two of us could move forward, move on with our lives.”

  “Okay, so this is part of a process? Step one in moving on?”

  “Isn’t that what you’re doing? Aren’t you planning to move back to Manhattan?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I’ve thought about it. This was my home, with you. But now, I don’t know anymore.”

  “This is more complicated than I thought it would be.”

  She sat down on the edge of his desk. “You know, when I think of our marriage ending, I’m always trying to put my finger on why. There are marriages that fall apart for a reason, Colt. I’ve known women who were physically abused. They reached deep down and found the strength to leave.”

  He sat down next to her and she laced her fingers through his. “Lex, I know those women, too. I know those families—being apart for them is safer than being together.”

  “But what happened to us? I’ve been trying to figure out why I let you leave. I think letting you go was easier than fighting to keep you in my life. I’ve had a lifetime of searching for ways to involve my parents in my life. I didn’t want my marriage to be a repeat. After a while that gets to a girl’s self-esteem. It makes her wonder what is wrong with her that she has to fight to make people love her.”

  “I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. It wasn’t about you, not really. It was about guilt, and then about keeping you safe, and then fear.”

  “I get it. That doesn’t make it any easier.” She held her hand out to the bag he had set on the other side of the desk. “I’d like to see that now.”

  He handed it over. She pulled the album from the bag and emotion clogged her throat, tightening in her chest and squeezing her heart.

  “Our wedding pictures.”

  “I got a call today from a man who found them in his field. He wasn’t sure where to take them, and then he saw me on the news.”

  “Amazing.” She flipped through pages. “I can’t believe it.”

  “God does amazing things.”

  She glanced up, briefly, and then back down at the book. Pictures of them walking down the aisle, and then eating cake. She laughed a little at the two of them, so young and so in love. He had been her everything. Maybe that had been the problem. She had counted on him to fix her life.

  Now she knew better. She knew better than to think a person could be that for her. He had been a part of the dream, one of the ingredients she thought made up a happy life. She had made him her everything.

  “I prayed that someone would find them. I couldn’t bear to lose this.” She flipped through more pages.

  “I didn’t realize.”

  “I know it doesn’t make sense.”

  “It does. It makes perfect sense.” He pulled her against his side and kissed the top of her head. His radio crackled.

  Lexi looked up as he stepped away. He spoke quietly into the mic and then listened. He nodded, as if the person could see him. As he spoke, he unlocked the cabinet that held his weapons. Fear walloped her heart as she watched him load a weapon and retrieve a box of ammunition.

  “Lexi, I’m sorry. I have to go.”

  “I know.”

  He ki
ssed her cheek. “You know this doesn’t mean that I’m leaving you.”

  “I know.” She picked up the album. “I’m taking this home with me.”

  “Of course. I’ll stop by later.” He stopped at the door. “Lexi, I’ve been thinking about something. Did you love me, or was it having a family that you loved?”

  “Colt.” But his words, hard as they were to hear, made her stop, made her think. Hadn’t she just been thinking the same thing, that he was one ingredient, one item on the list that she thought she needed to have a happy life? She could remember the first time she went home with him, to meet his family.

  “That’s something to think about.” He walked out the door and left her alone.

  She watched his car back out of the parking space. Like so many other times, she prayed he’d stay safe. She also prayed for him to have faith. Something in his eyes, a certain light, told her that the faith part was being answered.

  Her cell phone buzzed and she answered it. What she needed was a call that would take her mind off Colt. And this one did. A cow having birthing issues. That was always a good way to spend an afternoon. She didn’t mind it on a nice fall day, like today. The middle of the night in a storm, or the dead of winter, that was another matter.

  As she drove down the side road that led past her house, she flipped on the scanner hooked to the dash of her truck. And she shouldn’t have, because it wasn’t good. They had Parsons located in an abandoned house, just a mile or so outside of High Plains.

  And Colt was on his way to the scene.

  Colt pulled up to Lexi’s as the sun was going down. He got out of his truck, stretching muscles that were sore from being tense for so many hours as they worked through the standoff with Parsons. He was only starting to come down from the adrenaline and fear that came from gunfire. But Parsons was in custody now.

  As he crossed the drive, he realized Lexi’s truck wasn’t there. He peeked through the window of the front door, into the darkened clinic and tiny apartment. Not one light, no sign of anyone.

  He pulled out his cell phone and dialed her number. She answered on the third ring.

  “Where are you?”

  “Hello to you, too.” She laughed a little. “Sorry, I didn’t realize I had to check in with you.”

  He had a moment that hit like a physical blow, somewhere in the region of his stomach, or maybe his heart. It was just past dinnertime and she wasn’t home. What if she was on a date? They had both dated some in the last year or so. They weren’t married. She was single and beautiful.

  He was jealous.

  Maybe this had something to do with the question he’d asked her about his family. That thought had been on his mind too much. He should have kept it to himself.

  “Colt, are you there?”

  “Yes, I’m here. Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you. I’ll call tomorrow.”

  “You’re not bothering me. I’m downtown, having dinner. I had a call and on the way home, I stopped at Walter’s farm. A few people were there patching his roof. I’m getting very good at roofing. If the whole veterinarian thing doesn’t work out, I have another skill. And they put the roof on the Old Town Hall today.”

  “Do you really think we can call it the Old Town Hall? It’s the Old Town Hall twice removed, maybe?”

  She laughed. “Yes, maybe. Are you okay?”

  “We caught Parsons.”

  A long pause. “I’m glad. I’m glad you’re safe.”

  He walked toward the building that was meant to be her new home.

  “Was your contractor here today?” He picked up a hammer that had been left in the dirt and placed it on a pile of wood.

  “Nope. I think he worked at Melanie and Ted’s new house.”

  “Lexi, I don’t know…”

  “Don’t, Colt. Take a few hours off from being a cop and come down here and have coffee and cheesecake with us. We’re all here, at Isabella’s, trying to pretend life is normal and that half the town isn’t living at the cottages, or elsewhere.”

  “Can I wait for you here? I’m a little too wound up for company.”

  “Sure.”

  He said goodbye and slipped his phone back into his pocket. Instead of sitting outside the clinic he walked down the street, still amazed that this used to be his town. Trees were now piles of firewood, waiting for winter. Houses that had stood for decades were now empty foundations. People he’d known his entire life had left to start their lives over again in new towns, with new jobs and new homes.

  A few blocks down, he saw Nicki Appleton walking with Kasey. From the distance the child looked as if she belonged to Nicki. He would have liked for that to happen for her. Maybe Kasey would replace the holes in her heart, left behind by Clay Logan.

  Colt shook his head and turned away from the sight of Nicki and Kasey. It brought to mind holes in his own heart, the place where his wife should be. He walked back to her house, questioning why he was there. They had made progress in the friendship department. Maybe it was time to take a step back and continue the moving on part of the process?

  Lexi’s truck was parked next to the clinic. She was just getting out, her smile wide, and for him. He pulled the photograph, bent and water-stained, from his pocket. The picture of her father talking on his cell phone.

  This was too much like the past. Lexi couldn’t get around the feelings that her life had somehow come full circle. She was waiting outside for Colt. He was in his uniform.

  He thought she might have married him for his family.

  “Hey, how did it go?” She didn’t want details, didn’t want to know if he’d been in danger. It was easier not knowing.

  “Good. He gave up.” He smiled, a little tense, and shrugged. She knew that Parsons hadn’t given up, not without a fight.

  This was the past, too. He gave few details, because he didn’t want her to worry. He had never shared details, not real ones, about the night Gavin died. He had kept it bottled up inside.

  “Do you want something to eat?” She lifted a bag with takeout. “Isabella’s world-famous spaghetti.”

  He laughed. “How do you think spaghetti from High Plains became ‘world famous’?”

  “A guy visiting from England. He had a cousin that lived outside of town. And once, a man traveling through was from Spain. That’s two countries, and that makes up the world as far as Isabella is concerned.”

  She unlocked her front door and motioned him inside. He took the bag and handed her a photograph. Lexi looked at it, and then at him, because she didn’t get it. A picture of her dad on the phone?

  “That was a photograph from our wedding.” He opened the container and stirred the sauce into the pasta. “Lexi, he was on the phone. He couldn’t turn it off, not even for that one day.”

  She shrugged, trying not to be hurt by that. She had seen it that day, but had forgotten. And it hadn’t really mattered; her dad had never really been present in her life, not in a way that mattered.

  “Colt, I’m sorry, if this is supposed to mean something, I’m not getting it. Maybe it’s just been a long day.”

  He poured a glass of tea and lifted the pitcher. “Do you want tea?”

  She shook her head. No, she wanted the mystery revealed. She wanted him out of her kitchen, where it was too familiar, him offering to pour her tea, the two of them discussing something that felt like one of his cases.

  It hurt too much, having him there, as if they still belonged together. And they didn’t.

  “He put his job ahead of your happiness.” Colt pulled out a chair at the table and motioned for her to sit. She didn’t. She couldn’t sit.

  “Keep talking.”

  “Okay.” He sat down, sliding the tray of food in front of him. “Lexi, in ways, I became like your father. I got so wrapped up in my job, in answering calls, I forgot about us.”

  That hurt. It ached deep down, and for a few minutes she felt like that little girl whose father never showed up for her birthday. But it was Colt, and he h
ad promised to always be there for her.

  Her father probably felt as though he was always there. He had provided a beautiful home, all the toys and pretty clothes she could ask for. And he had never been there for her when she’d needed him. Not even on her wedding.

  He had been on the phone, taking care of a client, taking care of business. She could almost hear him say what he always said: It’s business, Lexi, and business pays the bills. This business is what puts this roof over your head and affords you all the nice things you like.

  He hadn’t gotten it, that she would have preferred time with him to the things he bought to replace that time.

  “Maybe I have unrealistic expectations.” She finally sat down.

  “I think we should be able to expect the people in our lives to be there for us.”

  “Yes, but things come up. We do have jobs. There were times I had to leave in the middle of dinner because of a horse or cow or dog.”

  “You didn’t let your job steal your life.” He looked down, twirling pasta around his fork. “I let it consume me.”

  “I agree, you did. And you let it come between us.”

  “What if…”

  “Don’t, Colt, I don’t want to do this because we’re both emotional right now.” She shook her head. “I don’t want ‘what ifs’ from you. I want someone who will be there for me in a way that counts, not closed off, sleeping on the sofa and choosing his office over my bed.”

  “I didn’t want you to be hurt the way Gavin’s wife was.”

  “We were going to have a baby, Colt. And then you decided we weren’t. You made that decision for me. I can’t go through that again.”

  “I know you can’t. And I know I took the easy way out.” He looked up, his blue eyes meeting hers, holding her gaze. “I did what I thought would protect your heart, because I know how much having children means to you. I took the easy way for myself and I’m sorry.”

  The wedding album was on the table between them. She opened it and pointed to the photograph of the two of them standing in front of the minister. “To have and to hold, good times and bad. And we gave up the minute things got rough. Did you think marriage would be this free ride, easy, no rough patches to work through?”